Cruciform Love and Suffering

"Trouble and anguish have found me out,
but Your commandments are my delight."
Psalm 119:143

I've been dealing with the pain associated with a mysterious "arthritic" illness since this summer, so these words puzzled and excited me at the same time this morning. How is it that the psalmist can delight in the commandments of God in the midst of his "trouble and anquish"? How can he find joy in obeying God in the middle of suffering? Can he really focus on loving God and loving others (which are the two commandments that summarize all of God's commandments, Matthew 22:36-40) when his pain cries out for relief? When I hurt, I want to see to it that God and others love me! My pain (though it pales in comparison to most) commands me to become self-centered, not God-and-others-centered. This verse just doesn't fit the categories of the comfort-driven life that I like to lead. It's just plain odd, if I'm honest.

As I think about Jesus, though, living out cruciform love in the face of pain is not absurd at all. Jesus could have said (and may have, we don't know) these very words in the garden the night before he was handed over to suffering and death. His heart was troubled, and He sweat drops of blood in anguish over the suffering He was about to face. And yet in the midst of suffering that none of us can imagine (namely, separation from His Father), Jesus delighted in obeying His Father's commands to love Him and love others! "For the joy set before Him, Jesus endured the cross, despising the shame..." (Hebrews 12:2), and so, He said "not my will, but Yours be done." "Whatever suffering and pain may come, Father, nothing gives me more pleasure than loving You and others...even if loving You and others intensifies the pain I'm already experiencing." Can I say that?

There is one difference, though, between the psalmist and Jesus. The psalmist said that he would obey even though his suffering sought and found him. Jesus, however, chose to suffer in order to obey (John 10:17-18).

As for me, I'm a long way from the heart of either the psalmist or Jesus! In either case, whether I've chosen to suffer or suffering has chosen me, I'm desperately in need of being shaped by Jesus' cruciform love into the shape of cruciform love. Thanks be to God for using the mirror of His Word both to show me my shape and to shape me again this morning!